{"id":5246,"date":"2018-12-28T11:40:46","date_gmt":"2018-12-28T10:40:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ournormal.org\/grown-up-siblings-share-their-stories\/"},"modified":"2019-04-29T09:36:46","modified_gmt":"2019-04-29T07:36:46","slug":"grown-up-siblings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ournormal-old.php.ukad.dev\/nb\/grown-up-siblings\/","title":{"rendered":"Grown up siblings share their stories"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Maria
The project leaders Rakel och Maria | Photo: Gert Holm\u00e9r<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Rakel Lom\u00e9r and Maria Blad are the project leaders for \u201cVuxensyskon\u201d which is driven by Br\u00e4cke Diakoni in collaboration with Nationellt kompetenscentrum anh\u00f6riga, RBU, FUB, Autism & Aspergerf\u00f6rbundet and Studief\u00f6rbundet Vuxenskolan.<\/p>\n

We got the opportunity to talk to Rakel at a conference for parents and families with children with intellectual disabilities, and asked her to share some reflections from the meetings and workshops they have had with the grown-up siblings. We also asked her to share some advice and tips with parents who have younger kids both with and without disabilities.<\/p>\n

– The most important thing that many of the siblings we have met have spoken about was the fact that they had experienced some subjects to be \u201cunspoken\u201d in their families. It could have been subjects related to difficult feelings, questions that seemed \u201ctabu\u201d and questions about the future – about home and caring when the parents are no longer there.<\/p>\n

Rakel continues:<\/span><\/p>\n

– We have taken part of a report from Norway where one of the conclusions was that it is very important for these siblings that the parents have the ability to talk about, acknowledge and confirm feelings of confusion och difficult feelings as well as to explain actions and consequences that might seem unfair for a child. By having a dialogue about those subjects within the family it gets easier for the sibling to accept the feeling of something being very unfair for example.<\/p>\n

When Rakel and Maria tell us about their work and the subjects that often appears in their discussion groups with grown up siblings, they say that one of the area that many siblings wants to talk about relates to feelings of guilt and shame. Rakel explains:<\/span><\/p>\n

– What the siblings express is not that they are ashamed of their sibling with a disability, even though this could be the case for some of them sometimes as well, but rather they wanted to talk about feelings of guilt in other perspectives connected to difficult paradoxes; like feeling guilty because of the fact that their sibling with a disability didn\u2019t have the same opportunities, or feeling stressed because they didn\u2019t do more with their lives when they actually had the possibilities.<\/span><\/p>\n

– It is important to remember that children are children. They often read things in their own way, interpret situations and make own conclusions based on parallel patterns. That is why the conversations between parents and children are so important, Rakel continues. A child can have the feeling that it has injured its sibling in some way, or that its own life is much less important.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Two
Photo: AnnaCarin Isaksson<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Maria and Rakel tell that there is a material called «Opratat» (\u201cUnspoken\u201d) which has been produced by Funktionsr\u00e4tt Sverige. This material concludes films and stories based on experiences from the project «The unspoken between child and parents\u201d and is a good way to start to talk together with a child about difficult subjects.<\/p>\n

– Based on the siblings we have met, we can see that the picture of siblings being, and becoming, very empathetic is true. At the same time the siblings say that they often were told exactly this as kids; that \u201cthey were so responsible\u201d – a saying which they also experienced could be filled with demands. The expectations of how they were supposed to act in different situations, also made it difficult for them to appear weak and vulnerable.<\/span><\/p>\n

– It is not that the siblings didn\u2019t understand that their parents had a lot to do, were tired and that it was difficult to be fair as a parent in every situation. But to point out the fact that it sometimes is unfair, and at the same <\/span>time confirm and see <\/span>the sibling when possible – that one’s place in the family does not become 0%… That is extremely important!<\/span><\/p>\n

Maria and Rakel sum up some advice for parents and families with children, where a sibling has a disability:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Explain why it is sometimes «unfair» if, for example, the sibling with a disability gets much more of the time and attention.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Talk! Especially about things that can be difficult. Children need to talk to adults to understand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Give siblings a chance to meet other siblings and give them the opportunity to talk outside their own family constellations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2022 Be careful not to only confirm the sibling\u2019s achievements. It is ok to be a child when you are a child.<\/span><\/p>\n

The project \u201cVuxensyskon\u201d has also produced a theater play, «Skuggsyskon», which is played in different places in Sweden. «Tankar om Skuggsyskon» is a short movie about the play which you can find <\/span>here<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

You can read more about the project \u201cVuxensyskon\u201d <\/span>here<\/span><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

The material \u201cOpratat\u201d that has been produced by Funktionsr\u00e4tt Sverige is available here<\/a>.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

We also recommend the book \u201cLitet syskon\u201d written by Christina Renlund which contains tips about how you as an adult can talk to children about having a sibling with a disability.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Banner photo<\/span>: Andi Weiland<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rakel Lom\u00e9r and Maria Blad are the project leaders for \u201cVuxensyskon\u201d which is driven by Br\u00e4cke Diakoni in collaboration with Nationellt kompetenscentrum anh\u00f6riga, RBU, FUB, Autism & Aspergerf\u00f6rbundet and Studief\u00f6rbundet Vuxenskolan. We got the opportunity to talk to Rakel at a conference for parents and families with children with intellectual disabilities, and asked her to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":4483,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[278],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized-nb"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGrown up siblings share their stories | Our Normal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Growing up with a sibling with a disability is often something that affects a person in many different ways and gives the person additional perspectives.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"noindex, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"nb_NO\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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